Hot Button Issues

This is not a rant. It's more me writing out my own thoughts. Read it if you like, comment if you wish. I am not so egotistical to think that everyone cares or wishes to know what I think. I just like to write and I'm too lazy to make a blog. If you want a debate, we can go there. But just don't get mean and respect that even if we may have different opinions, we can still be friends.

And forwarning, this bitch is long.

Now I'm writing about my thoughts on abortion.

My thoughts on this issue have changed drastically throughout my life. Growing up always knowing that I was adopted, I had a unique feeling about abortion. I could very well not be alive today had my biological mother made the choice to not carry me to term. I realize this could be said about anyone, but considering in the end mine chose not to keep me, it is more true for me than most. I was lucky. I was born, I was given to a family that loved and cherished me and gave me so very many things my biological mother probably never would have been able to provide. I also grew up in a fairly conservative household and was taught the things my parents believed, which included abortion being the 'wrong' choice. While some religion was behind that, it had more to do, I think, with the fact that they would never have been able to have a child of their own if abortion was the most common practice. My parents deserved to have a child, they were great parents. It's kind of a sad thought to think they wouldn't have gotten to have that experience.

I had a few friends who got pregnant before they were ready to have kids and chose to abort the baby (and I would never name names). It upset me tremendously at the time. One upset me so much so that I remember wearing all black to school. I went to a school that required uniforms and I broke the rules to do that. Anyone who knew me in highschool (before I went crazy and ran away from home) can tell you that I was a very straight laced kid and breaking the rules like that was a pretty big deal for someone like me. It saddened me to think there was a potential life in the world that wouldn't be. I know it couldn't have been easy on them either.

I got pregnant before I was married at 21. Ray and I had already discussed what would happen if something like that were to ever come up and we both knew the minute I got a positive test result that we were having that baby. We were old enough to be adults and accept responsibility. It wasn't the ideal situation, but life isn't ever ideal. Ray joined the military and I did as much as I could to prepare myself for this next step in life. Since I am adopted and have no medical history, we did a full genetic screening on me to find out if there was anything else we might need to prepare for. During this process, we discovered that I was a carrier for the gene that causes cystic fibrosis. Having only one parent as a carrier isn't a concern. But if both parents are carriers, there is like an 80% chance of that child having cystic fibrosis.

Someone very close to me, and again I won't say who (it was not Ray), told me that if the blood test came back for Ray as being a carrier that I might want to consider terminating my pregnancy. This was extremely shocking to me because the thought had never occured in my head and I never would have expected it to be brought up by this person. They tried to explain how hard it would be and that I should seriously think about what I might want to do. I have (sort of) met some very vibrant people with cystic fibrosis since then and I know that HAD Ray been positive and Sutton had been born with cystic fibrosis, I would still have been very proud to be his mom. Luckily, Ray was not a carrier and Sutton was born with no known issues...

At the time.

Of course, later he was diagnosed with autism and that started a whole new chapter in our lives. I've told the story about his diagnosis before, so I won't go in to just how horrible that experience was. But his diagnosis did change our family plan. When we were young, before we were expecting, Ray and I had both expressed the desire to have a big family. My closest experience to a sibling was my cousin Trey and Ray had a very small family. We wanted a lot of kids. But with Sutton's diagnosis and the issues that became apparent with that later on down the road, it was a real concern of both of ours that we might have a second child with autism.

I love my son dearly, he is sweet and wonderful and intelligent. But I could not handle two of him.

He was three years old when Ray and I began discussing the possibility of maybe having a second child and what that might mean for us. And that's when Maggie came along. I took Sutton to the Dr. for a check up soon after I found out and discussed it with him. When I told him I was pregnant he said, and I quote exactly (as I will never forget it)

"Oh... You know you're 50 times more likely to have another child with autism right?"

I only wish I could mimic the tone in his voice on paper. It was accusing. Like he expected me to end my pregnancy just on that chance. I had already heard my baby's heartbeat on the monitor and seen it pumping away. There was no chance I'd let anything happen to her. And I didn't. And she's beautiful and fairly typical. (though how typical one can be being my child is debateable)

I have been personally confronted with the option of abortion three times, two with one child. I don't believe there is any situation that would make me chose it. I would rather give put the baby up for adoption than anything else. People argue that children are waiting in line to be adopted. An that may be true for older children. But not for babies. There are hundreds of parents who just can't have kids of their own, whether they be infertile or same sex, who would do anything ANYTHING for a baby they might be blessed with. I was one of those babies, so it's the last resort choice for me and I would hope to pass those ideas on to my kids. People may not agree, but thats ok.

H O W E V E R ,

Just because I don't think abortion is the way to go doesn't mean I believe it should be illegal. I get really anxious when I see the government mandaing what I can and cannot do with my body, even if it's something I would personally never do. And I hear the argument about protecting the unborn child's rights, but where do we draw the line with that. Does the governments responsibilities to that baby end with birth? Will they be telling mothers that it's the law to breastfeed their children? Are they going to come in to our homes and tell us how to discipline them or feed them or dress them? I find it a little odd to be all about protecting an unborn child's rights and stop after they are born. And if we were to do that, that starts getting waaay too controlling. Making abortion illegal sounds more like big government and less like the small governent ideas that most of my conservative friends are so passionate about. Should we make it illegal to have sex without a condom? Should we make sex illegal alltogether until you have a marraige lisence or parental consent? Why are we so quick to protect the rights of life and not so quick to prootect the rights of elderly/terminally ill people who wish to die with dignity?

It kind of feels like the government says "You can do nothing but live, suffer, and pay taxes."

I don't know. Like I said, this is more me rambling out loud as I try to discover just where I stand politically. The questions I propose in my little novella there are me asking me, not me being accusatory. Other views are welcomed. But like I said, no fights, be nice. Having our opinions challenged is a part of growing as a human being. We should all be able to listen with open minds and consider all facets of an idea. We should all be able to debate and still be friends. (: